国外幽默（笑话）集锦（135~140）

　　（英汉对照）

　　“Laughter, the Best Medicine.”

　　“笑是良药。”

　　Dentist

　　 My dentist was telling me how much he wanted to be a classical pianist. “If only my parents hadn’t discouraged me,” he moaned.

　　“Don’t feel bad,” I responded as the doctor worked on my teeth. “There’s more than one way to tickle the ivories.”

　　――Contributed by Eleanor McNamara

　　135.牙医

　　我的牙医告诉我他多么想成为一名典型的钢琴家。“只要父母不阻拦我。”他抱怨道。

　　“别气馁！”我回答，当时医生正在给我整牙，“通向‘给象牙搔痒’（to tickle the ivories，给象牙搔痒，俗语，意指弹钢琴）之路不止一条。”

　　――埃莉诺.麦克纳马拉提供

　　Four-wheel drive

　　A young couple had a 7 p.m. appointment with me, the parish priest, to discuss their wedding plans. But blizzard conditions prevailed; I was convinced that they wouldn’t show up.

　　At exactly seven, however, the doorbell rang. After the man and woman removed their coats, I wisecracked, “Well, for you folks to be here on a night like this, it’s got to be true love.”

　　“Nope,” the groom-to-be said expression_rlessly,“ Four-wheel drive.”

　　――Contributed by the Rev. Lawrence F. Carew

　　136.四轮驱动

　　一对年轻人约定士下午7点和我这个教区教士讨论他们的婚礼安排。但是大风雪弥漫不止；我相信他们不会来了。

　　然而7点整，门铃响了。等那个男子和女士脱掉外衣后，我调侃的说：“嗨，如果你们的家人在这样的夜晚也在这里的话，这就是真爱的开始。”

　　“不是，”准新郎面无表情地说，“是四轮驱动。”

　　―― 牧师劳伦斯.F.卡鲁提供

　　Funeral director

　　I am a funeral director. While I was getting ready to leave for work one morning, the phone rang. I answered it, and a frantic-sounding woman asked if I could come over right away because there was water all over the place. Baffled, I inquired if she was sure she had the number.

　　“Isn’t this Bob Larson the plumber?” she asked.

　　“no”, I replied,“I’m a funeral director.”

　　After a pause she said, “Well, I’m going to keep your number anyway. I think the family will need it after my husband gets home and sees what I did to the washing machine!”

　　――Contributed by Robert O. Larson

　　137.葬礼承办人

　　我是一位葬礼承办人。一天早晨当我正准备出门办事时，电话铃响了。我拿起电话，一个气急败坏的声音问我能不能立即过来，因为满地面都是水。我困惑地问她是否打错了。

　　“你不是水管工鲍勃.拉森吗？”她问。

　　“不是，”我回答，“我是葬礼承办人。”

　　她停了一下说：“好，那我也得计下你的号码。我想等我丈夫回家后这个家里会需要它的，也让他知道我对这台洗衣机都做了些什！”

　　――罗伯特O.拉森提供

　　Stud finder

　　A our shop foreman was working on a wall partition, a woman walked up to him and asked what he was doing. He replied that he was locating the studs in the wall with a stud finder.

　　After contemplating his answer, the woman, with a gleam in her eye, queried,” What are the chances of letting me use that thing for the weekend?”

　　――Contributed by Sheila Tibbitts

　　138.销钉定位器

　　我们的一位车间工长正在一个墙壁隔板上做工，一位妇女走到他跟前问他在做什么。他回答说他正在用销钉定位器给墙壁装定位销。

　　听了他的回答后想了想，那个妇女眼睛一亮，就问道：“周末让我用一下这个东西行吗？”

　　――希拉.提比茨提供

　　The price of mailing a gift

　　I was the manager of a packaging and shipping store. Last year, when business was booming, the owner came by to help out. A customer complained to him that the price of mailing a gift was more than the price of the item itself.“Perhaps,” the owner replied, “you should buy more expensive gifts.”

　　――Contributed by Cynthia Pierce

　　139.礼物的邮寄费

　　我是一家包装和运送店铺的经理。去年，当生意很红火的时候，店主就过来帮忙。一位顾客向他抱怨说，礼物的邮寄费比礼物本身还贵。“也许，”店主回答说，“你应当买更贵一些的礼物。”

　　――辛西娅.派雅斯提供

　　Hamburger

　　One day at the convenience store where I worked, a woman came in for a hamburger to go. I fixed the bun with lettuce, tomatoes and mayonnaise as she had requested. The microwave timer rang, and I wrapped her sandwich in foil. The woman took her package and left. A short time later I had another order for a hamburger. As I put the meat into the microwave, I was surprised to see the patty for the previous customer.

　　The next day the woman came in again. Embarrassed, I asked, “How was your hamburger yesterday?”

　　“Just delicious!” she replied. “Why?”

　　I told her what I had done.

　　“You think you’re embarrassed,” she said,“How do you think I feel？”

　　――Contributed by Joanne Swartz 140.汉堡包

　　一天在我上班的便利店里，一位妇女进来要一只汉堡包外卖，我按照她的要求准备了带有生菜、西红柿和蛋黄酱的小圆面包。微波定时器响起来，我就用锡箔包了她的三明治。那位妇女就拿着她的包走了。过了一会儿，又来了一位定购汉堡包的。当我把肉放入微波炉时，我惊奇的发现了先前那个顾客的肉饼。

　　第二天那位妇女又来了，我尴尬地问道：“你昨天的汉堡包怎么样？”

　　“味道美极了！她回答，“怎么啦？”

　　我告诉她我做的事情。

　　“你就以为你难堪，”她说，“你就不想想我的感觉如何？”

　　――桥安尼.史华兹提供

　　摘译自《Reader’s Digest》 Vol.132 No. 789 January 1988